Making Decisions Together For Kids With ASD

Article by Monica Reeves (B.Nurs, GradCert Autism) - Autism & Continence Specialist, Founder of Brightlives

Making decisions together is one of the most complex social skills children are asked to use in a group. It’s not just about choosing what to do, it’s about navigating different ideas, coping with uncertainty, and staying connected to others even when the outcome isn’t what you hoped for.

For many neurodivergent children, this can feel especially challenging.

Why Group Decision-Making Can Feel Hard

When children are part of a group decision, there is often a loss of control. The final choice might not match what they want, expect, or feel comfortable with. This can bring up big emotions, particularly for children who prefer predictability, clear rules, or strong routines.

Group decision-making also requires children to:

• tolerate waiting while others share ideas

• understand that the group’s choice may differ from their own

• shift plans when something new is chosen

• stay regulated while the decision is being made

When these skills are still developing, group decisions can feel overwhelming. What we sometimes see on the outside, frustration, withdrawal, or rigidity, is often a child trying to cope with uncertainty or disappointment.

How We Teach Decision-Making in Our Groups

In our Social Skills Groups, we don’t rush group decisions. We slow the process right down and make it predictable, explicit, and supported.

Children are guided through each step of decision-making:

• first, sharing ideas

• then, listening to others

• next, understanding how the group will decide (for example, voting, turn-taking, or combining ideas)

• and finally, practicing accepting the outcome

  
  

We talk openly about the fact that group decisions won’t always go everyone’s way, and that this is okay. Children are supported to notice their feelings, name them, and find ways to stay connected to the group even when the choice isn’t their first preference.

Supporting Regulation and Flexibility

Because our groups are small , four children supported by two professionals, we’re able to notice early signs of stress or overwhelm. We step in to provide reassurance, offer choices within boundaries, and help children feel grounded while decisions are being made.

We also model language children can use, such as:

• “I’m disappointed, but I can try”

• “That’s not my choice, but I’ll give it a go”

• “Can we do my idea next time?”

These phrases help children learn that it’s possible to stay part of the group even when things don’t go exactly as planned.

Why This Skill Is So Important

Being able to make decisions as part of a group supports so many areas of a child’s life. Over time, this skill can help with:

• classroom participation

• group work and play

• friendships and peer relationships

• coping with change and flexibility

  
  

When children feel supported to work through group decisions, they often develop greater confidence, emotional resilience, and trust in themselves and others.

Celebrating Small Steps Forward

Progress with decision-making doesn’t always look like a child happily agreeing with the group. Sometimes it looks like staying present during the decision. Sometimes it’s trying an activity for a few minutes. Sometimes it’s expressing disappointment without withdrawing. We notice and celebrate these moments because they show growth.

Making decisions together is about learning how to stay connected, even when things are uncertain or uncomfortable. With time, support, and understanding, neurodivergent children can build this skill in ways that feel safe and achievable.

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