Social Skill Spotlight: Negotiation

Negotiation is a social skill that shows up in so many everyday moments. It’s there when children are choosing what game to play, deciding who goes first, sharing roles in an activity, or working out how to move forward when two people want different things. For many neurodivergent children, these moments can feel especially hard.

Why Negotiation Is Often a Challenge

Negotiation isn’t just about “compromising.” It asks children to juggle multiple social and emotional demands at the same time. They need to recognise what they want, communicate it clearly, listen to someone else’s perspective, and stay regulated when the outcome isn’t exactly what they hoped for.

For neurodivergent children, this can be challenging for lots of very valid reasons. Some children have strong preferences and find change uncomfortable. Others may need more time to process language or social information. Past experiences of conflict or feeling misunderstood can also make negotiation feel risky or overwhelming.

When negotiation breaks down, it can sometimes look like frustration, withdrawal, or rigid behaviour. But underneath, the child is often trying to protect themselves, make sense of the situation, or regain a sense of control.

How We Approach Teaching Negotiation

In our Social Skills Groups, we take a very gentle and intentional approach. We don’t expect children to already know how to negotiate, and we don’t push them to “just go along” with the group. Instead, we treat negotiation as a skill that needs to be explicitly taught, modelled, and practiced.

We start with the basics, helping children notice and name what they want. This might be done verbally, through our online social environment, using practile social opportunities , or by choosing from options. Once children are comfortable expressing their own ideas, we slowly introduce the idea that other people in the group may have different ideas too.

From there, we support children to:

• express their preferences in a way that feels safe and respectful

• listen to others without immediately needing to agree

• explore simple ways to compromise, such as taking turns, voting, or combining ideas

• understand that not getting their first choice doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong

These skills are practiced in real moments, when the group is choosing an activity, deciding roles, or problem-solving together. We step in when needed to slow things down, explain what’s happening, and model helpful language.

Creating Safety Around Differences

Because our groups are small, with four children and two professionals, there’s time and space to really support each child. We’re able to notice when someone is feeling stuck or overwhelmed and provide support before things escalate.

We also talk openly about the idea that differences are normal. Wanting something different to someone else isn’t a problem — it’s an opportunity to practice working things out together. This helps children begin to see negotiation as something they can learn, rather than something to avoid.

Why Negotiation Is Such an Important Skill

As children become more confident with negotiation, we often notice subtle but meaningful changes. Children may start to share their ideas more freely, tolerate different outcomes with less stress, and stay engaged in group activities for longer. Over time, this can lead to stronger peer relationships and a greater sense of confidence in social situations.

These skills don’t just stay within the group. They carry over into school settings, therapy sessions, family life, and online spaces, anywhere children need to share, collaborate, or make decisions with others.

Celebrating the Small Wins

Learning to negotiate takes time. For some children, progress might look like staying in the group when the decision doesn’t go their way. For others, it might be speaking up for the first time or listening to someone else’s idea without shutting down.

We notice and celebrate these moments, because they matter. They’re signs that a child is building skills, confidence, and trust in themselves and in others.

Negotiation isn’t about giving in — it’s about learning how to stay connected while working through differences. And for neurodivergent children, that’s a skill worth taking the time to nurture.

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